Tip #1: Do not say, "I'd LOVE to be in a wheelchair!"
Okay, I can't tell you how many times I have heard able-bodied people say this to me and it drives me up the wall. I can sort of see where they are coming from though - they look at wheelchairs and it creates the false illusion that it's as fun as a toy. I mean, yeah... it has wheels, stickers, bright colors, a whole bunch of buttons, pretty lights, and a "comfortable" seat. I get the assumption, I get the misinformed excitement to a certain degree. However, wheelchairs are functional tools for us that are practical. And with every practical everyday tool comes an inherent lack of excitement, despite one's gratefulness for that particular technological device.
Please also keep in mind that it's very constraining to be sitting for hours on end. The number is infinite for the amount of times where I have sat in my chair and thought to myself, "I wonder if they'd be okay with me walking around. While wheelchairs are useful, they are constraining to no end. When people say to me that I have to stay in my chair, I have to refrain from screaming to the fullest extent ever possible. I feel trapped... not behind bars trapped, but, "Someone may as well tell me that they're going to glue my ass to this seat to keep me safe apparently." Big sarcastic thumbs up, right?
Expanding upon my thought above, wheelchairs are often the generalization for what it means to be disabled, like in the universal blue and white handicapped symbol shown directly below. If I'm being completely honest, often times, I totally wish I wasn't disabled. Why? Because... oh yeah, this SUCKS. Sure, there are things I love about being disabled and things that I hate. My point being, when you're someone who uses a wheelchair, that is the ultimate right-in-front-of-your-face clue that you are in fact disabled and that somehow you are either too weak or "so incredibly strong" or maybe even a bit of both. Point blank, it is literally impossible to hide your disability when you're using your wheelchair, from others AND from yourself. Your disability becomes obnoxiously ubiquitous, staring everyone in the room right in their fucking face. This reality is painful. Do not remind us of this.
Another thing with this is the wording. I personally find it mildly offensive when people say "in a wheelchair" or "bound to a wheelchair" because it makes them seem like an object and not an actual person. Other people might feel differently than I do about this, but my advice would just to go with your gut.
Tip #2 :Do not ask us questions about our chair while we are driving please.
This is kind of like someone texting you while driving about trivial, silly stuff or your kids talking to you really loudly in the car when you're driving somewhere new. When I'm driving my chair, I'm trying to be somewhere. And for me to give someone a sufficiently comprehensive run-down of all that my chair can offer, I've got to pause for something. Remember, sometimes pausing driving a wheelchair is a lot like pulling over. However, this does not mean I am not game for a good conversation or some nice small talk, but it would be preferable to me if you wouldn't say things like, "How fast can that thing go?!?" until I'm done driving please.
Tip #3: Always be sure to ask what they'd like their chair to be referred to as please.
What I mean by this is different types of wheelchairs have different names. A motorized wheelchair could also be potentially referred to as a power chair or an electric chair and a manual wheelchair could also be potentially be referred to as a push chair or a stroller. I personally find that calling a wheelchair a "stroller" quite derogatory actually because it juvenilizes the situation at hand and more importantly, the owner of the chair. For me, manual or push is acceptable, but be aware of individual preferences. As for the first example, I prefer motorized or power. Electric chair sounds like I'm being electrocuted as punishment for a wrongdoing!
I am also okay with calling my blue chair a stroller if the purpose is to distinguish it from a standard manual wheelchair.
I am also okay with calling my blue chair a stroller if the purpose is to distinguish it from a standard manual wheelchair.
Tip #4: Remember that saying someone is a bad driver is offensive.
This one is pretty self-explanatory but I'm just putting it out there.
Tip #5: Keep rude comments about how my chair looks to yourself please.
For example, disabled people are usually very messy eaters by no fault of our own. Therefore, you will probably see food all over my foot plate. Don't comment on that please.
Tip #6: Keep in your lane please. You are a pedestrian to me when I am in my chair.
SAFETY ALERT: Do not come walking straight towards a motorized wheelchair. Because if you do, there is a high risk of me running of your feet.
Tip #7: If you don't need the elevator, take the stairs please.
There's only so many elevators in one building. Be mindful of the fact that there is probably at least one person using a wheelchair. Save it for them please.
Tip #8: Do not touch my chair without my permission please. (I repeat, do not)
This is one that really makes me angry. While it is true that I am a person, not object, my chair is an extension of me. My chair serves as my legs 40 percent of the time and you have to respect that. It is my personal property. Do not move it without my consent; the speed might be up too high or the control panel might not be put into place. I want to know who is touching it and where it's going. Also, don't use my chair as a little resting thing for your body; don't lay your arm on it, put your foot up on it, lean on it, tap your fingers on it, put your hand on it, or anything of that nature. If I trust you and we are having an intimate conversation, or we are close, you may do so. If not, please refrain.
List of People Who Can Touch My Chair Without Permission:
- My mum, my dad, and my sister
- My physical therapist
- My advocate at my disability services agency
Tip #9: Some of Us Can Walk, You Know!
I feel like one of the first assumptions that people make about the disability community is that all people who use wheelchairs are unable to walk. False. A lot of us can. And I'm not trying to exclude people who can't walk from the wheelchair user's lament, however, I think this is important to learn so that it's not seen as some sort of cheesy pseudo-miracle. Don't be too overly excited because I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and lifting my legs off the ground just like anyone else. You can't expect disabilities to be black and white all the time, just like you can't expect gender identity and sexuality to be black and white either. There has to inevitably be a thick gray area. This is further explained in an article entitled This Is What Disability Binarism Looks Like off of the blog That Crazy Crippled Chick by my lovely friend Cara Liebowitz.
