The Straw Ban

Reposted from my Facebook post in July 2018.

Bundle of colorful plastic straws.

"I'll have a margarita... with a straw." - Laila, Margarita with a Straw (2014)

So, I love that people are trying to be green and save marine life. I do think it's devastating that aquatic animals are getting injured and ill from the toxicity that plastic has on their bodies, and I certainly don't want to ingest plastic every time I eat seafood. However, as much as I love Earth, animals, the sea, and Mother Nature as much as the next girl, this "Straw Ban" that America has decided is a "good solution" to the problems I mentioned is going to be a serious detriment to millions of people.

Let me explain. A lot of people with physical disabilities need to use plastic straws. And not just want to, need to. I can drink liquids without a straw, so this doesn't affect me. However, as a friend and acquaintance of several disabled people who need assistance and adaptation to drink, here's why this would be a problem. A lot of people who have physical disabilities cannot lift cups up to their mouth because they might not have the fine motor control, hand steadiness, arm strength, or hand strength to do so. Another thing is, they might drop the cup and that can be a real hazard if the cup is made of glass, which could be a potential hazard in a restaurant. Another thing is, it's very hard for people with cerebral palsy (and other physical disability) to find the speed, coordination, strength, and accuracy to accomplish more than one motor tasks at once. "But that's only one motor task!" you might say. Well, really, it's three. Yes, three. First, there is the action that you do that involves picking up the cup. This involves a complex set of skills that muscles do based on instructions from for example, your nervous system, and other parts of the body. This may seem simple for some, but for others, it can be very arduous. Next, you have to hold the cup while using your mouth and face to sip. Sipping is an easy task for most people, but sometime it's hard for people to sip while holding a cup. And then there is putting the cup back down, which can be hard to do for some people too.

As an add-on, bendy straws are better for making sure the straw is easily accessible.

As I said before, I'm all for saving the environment, but please, do it in other ways so disabled people can live as independently as possible.

I never thought I'd be ranting about straws on social media before, but hey, first time for everything.

Body Dysphoria, Physical Disabilities, and Sexual Orientation: On The Disabled Queer Intersection

My Physical Disability and Body Dysphoria

I am physically disabled. I have cerebral palsy that is visible and audible. I am aware that I look slightly different and sound slightly different than most people. Because the muscles in my legs are affected by my CP, I walk around in an unusual manner. Sometimes I walk a lot like a toddler, stumbling and falling but always getting back up again. Other times, I feel akin to a decrepit older woman, hunched over and walking dreadfully slow.

Even the way I sometimes pull my facial expressions can look different from other people. There can be such a thing as a "palsy smile" if you will and I have one. Obviously, everyone has a different smile just based on genetics, facial structure, and even personality, because we are all unique. However, there are certain physical characteristics that can be similar among individuals with cerebral palsy based on how our muscles make us move and appear.

The position in which I stand is affected. The alignment of my eyes is sometimes affected. I often have saliva on my chin because of excessive drooling. My feet can often turn blue because of spastic blood vessels.

Sometimes my voice gets too high or not as resonant as I'd like it to be because of spasticity in my vocal cords, face, and tongue.

I've always struggled with body dysphoria related to my CP. This has led to a lot of disassociation with my body. Knowing that my body is my own, but not feeling like it is and having an inherent discomfort with it. People seem to be able to conceptualize this within the contexts of being transgender or having disorders such as body dysmorphic disorder, anorexia, bulimia, or, in more extreme cases dissociative identity disorder, known colloquialy as multiple personality disorder.

Intense discomfort with one's own body is something that most people experience in one way or another. But it's usually directed at a perceived aesthetic flaw and not directed at feeling as though your body isn't your own or shouldn't be yours. This is what people with those disorders feel as well as what a lot of people with physical disabilities feel.

It doesn't help when you feel like society has erased your body. When you don't see images of women like you being reflected back at you, you start to feel yourself fade out. It's a weird feeling for sure. Painfully weird.

(Left side of picture depicts a stick figured girl standing up smiling  in a triangle dress and pigtails. Right side of page depicts a sketched out version of the handicapped symbol. "The Package" is written next to it. "put your brain inside your body" is centered at the top of the page.

Viewing my body as separate from my brain (a diagram)

Gender Expression and Sexual Orientation

I was 15 years old when I realized I was interested in other young women. And not only that, I was interested in women who had the same gender expression as I did. Meaning, not only did I like other girls, I liked girls who liked to dress, act, behave, and present in a very traditionally feminine manner like I did. There is a concept in queer identity that if you find yourself attracted to people who align with your personal gender expression, you often question whether you want to be that person, meaning you want to have the physical attributes of that person because you are envious of them, but you also have sexual attraction to that person. I've theorized that maybe I'm attracted to able-bodied women because I feel like they have been given bodies that I've wanted as my own. I've thought about this as a theory for other femmes who like femmes, too. It just seems to make sense to me.

This dilemma happened to me while I was watching This is Life with Lisa Ling on CNN recently. I was watching an episode that Lisa had done on the realities of the modeling industry. One of the aspiring fashion models she interviewed was 18 year-old Chrissy Clark, now 20. Obviously, models always look good, but even during an interview, she looked stunning and it was like I was watching a body that more or less, should've been mine, too. I always feel this way, no matter the girl. I should be able-bodied too. This is what I should look like. Not necessarily model perfect, but just having a body that society deems traditionally beautiful and worthy of sexual pleasure. That's where the, "Do I want to be her or do her?" dilemma comes in.

Black and white photograph of Chrissy Clark standing up while striking a sensual pose. She is tall, skinny, has long, straight, light brown hair, a delicate, pretty face,  and is wearing a white T-shirt and denim shorts.

Bridging the Gap

Since we live in a heteronormative, cisnormative, ableist patriarchy, people seem to assume that.

1. Everyone is straight except effeminate men and butch women. (heteronormativity)
2. Feminine women have to be attracted to masculine people in order to maintain traditional gender roles and keep men in power. (patriarchal society)
3. All disabled people are asexual (ableism)
4. If disabled people are sexual, they only are attracted to other disabled people.
5. Trans people are straight, all of them.

The assumption that all people are or should be attracted to the opposite gender and the same ability status is them is toxic for people like me who are the opposite as those two statements. It doesn't even cross people's minds and it's one of the reasons that I have failed to acknowledge or express this about myself before. It perpetuates body shaming for disabled people because it makes us feel like we don't deserve to be desired by people with bodies unlike our own. Instead of failing to acknowledge the possibility of attractions that are not traditional, keep an open mind. Furthermore, the precise reason I often do not value my body is that people apologize to me for living in the body that I've been given. You may think you're making this better by feeling bad for me, but this actually perpetuates the idea that disabled bodies need to be erased and that my body is a mistake. No one wants to feel like their body is a mistake, because it's not.

Disabled people need to feel beautiful. I think I'm getting there, but it takes time.

Sketch of a pretty young woman in a manual wheelchair on her cell phone. She is wearing a dress and high heels and is smiling.