The Androgynous Bliss and Complicated Fears of a Lipstick Bisexual

I first found out I was bisexual when I was fifteen years old - I had developed a crush on a girl obliviously and two years later, I had accepted the fact that I was in love with her via the help of my previous therapist.I'd rather not discuss the whole ordeal as for the time being, but I decided to tell you just for a brief background.

First finding out that I was bisexual was painful and confusing; I didn't want to like girls, but I did. And furthermore, I also didn't want to be stuck in the middle of the binaries of straight and gay. I wanted to be as orthodox as I possibly could with this particular facet of my identity. I tried so hard to force myself to swing one way or the other, but it just wasn't working.

• Myth #1: Bisexuals will never become straight or gay, no matter how hard they try.

I tried to convince myself after that I needed to think more about it - that I was confused and I needed more time. That wasn't working either because I kept going back to the fact that I still liked guys and could see myself marrying one. I still thought Leonardo da Caprio was extremely sexy and all that jazz. I still felt a connection with guys that I still cannot seem to erase to save my life. Yet, I noticed this in relation to girls too. I felt like I could marry one. I felt physical attraction and I felt a deep desire to be connected with one both from emotional and physical standpoints. And I was only denying myself of living this pure truth because of reactions from others.

Myth #2: Bisexuals are not confused most of the time.

My next fear was fearing that people would still consider me straight, even after I told them, and therefore, it was unjustified that I would come out because I wound end up straight anyway.  I tried to convince myself of that lie as well.

Myth #3: Bisexuals are not former gays turned straight.

I kept thinking to myself how horrifying it would be if I was oversexualized because I was bisexual. Let's look at it this way: gay people come out to discuss the potential possibility that they are going to want to be in a committed relationship with someone of their own gender one day, not to disclose who they'd like to be in bed with. With bisexuals, it's no different. Just like gay people, we feel an obligation to disclose these things to inform about emotional connections rather than sexual ones. We should not be persecuted for coming out.

Myth #4: Bisexuals are too interested in sex.

There was another part of me that still exists even today where certain girls are beautiful, but I wouldn't want  to date them. Let's be mindful of the fact that I am still a girl even with my sexual orientation. Girls admire each others' beauty, even when straight. I am no different.

Myth #5: Bisexuals think everyone is attractive.


Bisexuality holds equal amounts of intense pain, fear, confusion, and pride as homosexuality does. It is nuanced, bended, different, open. That scares people off and we are often looked at as a bit of a guessing game if you will by not only others, but even ourselves on occasion as well. The guessing game that we have hardwired into our neurological and endocrinological system is a unique one indeed - a zebra out of a band of horses. At least in the romantic snse that is.

Society being bended is a very tricky thing because people don't know what make of a circumstance such as this. Here's what to do with it: be prepared for fluidity within us and try not to shock yourself with shock from our sociological courses.

With that implemented within myself, I have not only learned to embrace that sociological implications of this binding agent, but also the cultural implications of this. Furthermore, even though I am very feminine (and always will be and proudly so too), I have additionally learned how to appreciate the subtle nature of androgynous bliss at least from a glance. The ability to be so open without having to remove yourself from your true identity is absolutely wonderful. Soak it up if you're like me!

Whoever is reading this right now, I hope you'll support me. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. This post will ideally free me from shame and secrecy.  My friends and therapist who I have come out to seem to support me and I hope you will too. And for any people reading this that feel the same way I did, remember to always be yourself and give yourself time to think and grow. Thank you.