Breaking Up with My Meds: Why Weaning Off of Psychiatric Medication is So Difficult

I have been on the same psychiatric medication for the past seven years. As a matter of fact, it has been the ONLY daily prescription medication I have taken for psychiatric purposes... up until last week. This medication was prescribed to me as a mood stabilizer back in March 2013 to help me manage the symptoms of bipolar disorder and emotional instability. Within about a month of first taking this medication, I started to see an improvement in my moods, emotions, mental health, and overall quality of life. This medication came into my life at the time when I needed it the most and had continued to support me through thick and thin, the good and the bad, and the ups and the downs.

For the past seven years, this medication had kept me grounded. I felt like I could rely on it. And even though I had technically tried a bunch of other psychiatric medications, such as anti-anxiety medications, antihistamines, and so on, those were only occasional as-needed PRN medications. I also took the neurological medication gabapentin for my spasticity due to my cerebral palsy which my doctors think inadvertentlyhelped with my anxiety.  But for the most part, I felt like I could lean on this one particular mood stabilizer to get me through it all. The others were "good friends." The mood stabilizer was my "best friend." I know lots of people that had multiple "best friends" (daily medications), but I didn't. I figured this was my one true "BFF."

But now, that's changed; the mood stabilizer hasn't been helping me out in the ways that it used to. I don't feel supported. When I was telling my doctor that I didn't think this particular mood stabilizer was helping anymore due to a significant relapse I had recently, it was almost like I was doubting the "closeness" I had with a "friend" that had kept me grounded for so many years.

When the doctor suggested trying a different mood stabilizer to see if that one would work better, I honestly felt sad, and I couldn't help but think, Why isn't this medication working any more? Please work. I felt like I was losing a friend.

Now, I'm trying to hang out with a new friend in hopes that this friend will support me as much as my old friend once did. I still see that old friend, but less so now, and it feel strange, foreign' this was a "friend" who has since become an acquaintance.

I know this may seem like a strange metaphor (and that's because it is), but when something has kept you sane for seven years and then you start to realize that its not anymore, it's hard, much like losing your best friend.