3 Similarities Between Misogyny and Ableism

In honor of March being both International Women’s Month and Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month, I have decided to shed some light on the similarities between misogyny and ableism because this is rarely talked about, if ever. This piece will focus on ableism related to physical disabilities mostly.

1. People objectifying your body.

It is widely known throughout the feminist community that the objectification of women’s bodies is one of the most prominent issues within the general issue of misogyny. Many men tend to think it’s okay for them to touch women without them asking or to comment on how their body looks during inappropriate times. This results from over-sexuakization of women’s bodies and also the fact that men are supposed to feel “powerful” and “in control.”

While people with disabilities are often desexualized due to infantilization, women with disabilities often get objectified too. People think they have the right to touch or make comments about our bodies without asking. It’s not sexual, rather, it’s the opposite, but it still occurs in the same way: people rubbing your back without asking, people calling you “beautiful” when you don’t even know them, I could go on.

And both able-bodied women and disabled people often don’t know how to respond when situations like these occur because they’re so uncomfortable.

2. People are surprised when you can do certain things.

Misogyny and ableism tend to operate under the same philosophy: women and disabled people are considered “weak” or “incompetent.” Many misogynists are surprised when women are able to do physical things, i.e., play sports, build things, etc. Because of this, they often insist on doing things for us, even if we say we can do it ourselves.

While most physically disabled people would have a difficult time playing sports or building things, we get the exact same response from able-bodied people as able-bodied women get from able-bodied men. Able-bodied people often doubt the capabilities and competence of disabled people.

3. People are surprised when you open your mouth and speak your mind.

I consider myself to be an outspoken person with a strong personality. I am a passionate advocate for social justice causes. When somebody does something that I don’t like, I’ll usually speak up and say something. This surprises many able-bodied people because they often expect me to be meek, mild, and quiet. But when I go ahead and open my mouth, they stand corrected.

Women, both abled-bodied and disabled experience this too. Because of the patriarchy, there is an implicit expectation for women to keep their mouths shut. Patriarchal society operates under the belief that men should speak their mind and be powerful, while women should not.

I hope that reading this post shed some light on the similarities between misogyny and ableism.

Breaking Up with My Meds: Why Weaning Off of Psychiatric Medication is So Difficult

I have been on the same psychiatric medication for the past seven years. As a matter of fact, it has been the ONLY daily prescription medication I have taken for psychiatric purposes... up until last week. This medication was prescribed to me as a mood stabilizer back in March 2013 to help me manage the symptoms of bipolar disorder and emotional instability. Within about a month of first taking this medication, I started to see an improvement in my moods, emotions, mental health, and overall quality of life. This medication came into my life at the time when I needed it the most and had continued to support me through thick and thin, the good and the bad, and the ups and the downs.

For the past seven years, this medication had kept me grounded. I felt like I could rely on it. And even though I had technically tried a bunch of other psychiatric medications, such as anti-anxiety medications, antihistamines, and so on, those were only occasional as-needed PRN medications. I also took the neurological medication gabapentin for my spasticity due to my cerebral palsy which my doctors think inadvertentlyhelped with my anxiety.  But for the most part, I felt like I could lean on this one particular mood stabilizer to get me through it all. The others were "good friends." The mood stabilizer was my "best friend." I know lots of people that had multiple "best friends" (daily medications), but I didn't. I figured this was my one true "BFF."

But now, that's changed; the mood stabilizer hasn't been helping me out in the ways that it used to. I don't feel supported. When I was telling my doctor that I didn't think this particular mood stabilizer was helping anymore due to a significant relapse I had recently, it was almost like I was doubting the "closeness" I had with a "friend" that had kept me grounded for so many years.

When the doctor suggested trying a different mood stabilizer to see if that one would work better, I honestly felt sad, and I couldn't help but think, Why isn't this medication working any more? Please work. I felt like I was losing a friend.

Now, I'm trying to hang out with a new friend in hopes that this friend will support me as much as my old friend once did. I still see that old friend, but less so now, and it feel strange, foreign' this was a "friend" who has since become an acquaintance.

I know this may seem like a strange metaphor (and that's because it is), but when something has kept you sane for seven years and then you start to realize that its not anymore, it's hard, much like losing your best friend.

Why You Shouldn't Place One Disability Over Another: On Disability Hierarchy

Recently, I told someone that I have never been able to tell time, despite trying hard for many years. Despite the fact that this person knew about my severe dyscalculia (math-based learning disability), she seemed shocked. I told her it was like getting myself dressed: occupational therapists tried to get me to the point where I could dress myself at least semi-independently, but it was too hard. Math teachers did the same thing with being able to tell time.

"Yes, but telling time is easy!" she said, wondering why I could never seem to be able to tell the time. This person who told me that telling time is easy has known how math has been immensely difficult for me ever since kindergarten. They had known how hard it used to be when I was in first and second grade to remember facts like 2 + 2 = 4 and 3 + 3 = 6. THey know how hard it was for me to pass my standardized state math testing for Massachusetts and even after a year of studying for this testing, I only passed it by one point. This person knew how much individualized attention I needed in regards to the portion of my education that had to do with math and they still didn't acknowledge that a simple task having to do with math was hard for me, even when they knew I had a disability that impaired these skills, even when people tried to teach me several times. Yet, this person knew that something so simple would be so difficult for me in regards to one of my other disabilities and didn't even question it.

(From andrewcampbell.com. This picture explains how I felt in math class growing up)

To me, having a disability means that a person has difficulty with one or more simple, everyday tasks that other people their own age can do perfectly fine due to any sort of chronic condition.

Can most young adults dress themselves? Yes.

Can most young adults make themselves food? Yes.

Can most young adults complete basic hygiene tasks? Yes.

I could go on...

Can I do those things?
No.
Why not?
Because I have cerebral palsy.

People acknowledge that.

Can most young adults read an analog clock if they were taught how to in school? Yes.
Do most young adults know what certain coins look like? Yes.
Can most young adults remember basic times tables? Yes.
Do most young adults pass state-required standardized testing without having to study? Yes.

Can I do those things?
No, not easily, or only with a great amount of effort?
Why?
Because I have dyscalculia.

For the most part, I feel like people don't acknowledge this. They also don't seem to acknowledge this within the concept of treatment for mental illnesses either. I share with some people in my life that I have mental health conditions. I have been on medication for this and have been seeing psychotherapists once a week for the past several years to manage and cope with these issues. But are they gone? No. Have I relapsed? Yes. Is relapsing to be expected? Yes. Is it still hard? Yes. But people still assume I'm "cured." However, I also take medication and go to physical therapy to manage my CP symptoms, as well as getting Botox injections. But people don't assume that CP is omitted from my life when treated. This is contrasted with my learning disabilities and mental illnesses.

 People assume that disabilities that affect the way a person thinks and processes certain types of information are more likely to be resolved, cured, and managed than that of physical disabilities. As someone with disabilities that affect my mobility, learning, and mental health, I can easily say that this is the case. Do not put one disability over another. Do not forget about any of them. Disability is a greatly intersectional experience and just because some are visible and some are not does not mean that the invisible ones take less of an influence necessarily

Good Days v. Bad Days

There is a concept in the disability community about Good Days v. Bad Days. I have cerebral palsy, which is considered a non-progressive disorder, meaning that my condition doesn't get worse over time. Because CP is considered to be non-progressive, people often assume that I have the exact same level of functioning all the time. However, this is not necessarily the case. "Good Days" are days where perhaps, for whatever reason, I may be less spastic than usual or less tired than usual. This would possibly make it easier for me to complete certain motor tasks that I'm not normally able to complete or I may do them more efficiently due to improved motor planning skills after a physical therapy session for example. I may also have "Bad Days" where my level of functioning is worse than normal. I may be more spastic and therefore, it may be harder for me to do motor tasks that I am normally able to do. And then of course, I have baseline days. Saying things like, "Why can't you do that all the time?" or my personal favorite of, "I've seen you do that before. You can do that." is insulting to disabled people because it gives the impression that able-bodied people think we're not capable of assessing our own levels of functioning. Don't be angry at us for having good days and bad days. After all, doesn't everyone have good days and bad days in their own unique way?

Found on "The Psychology Babies" Facebook page.

“Do Not Punish the Behaviour You Want to See.” Tumblr, 28 Jan. 2018, olofahere.tumblr.com/post/170223372038/do-not-punish-the-behaviour-you-want-to-see.

The Straw Ban

Reposted from my Facebook post in July 2018.

Bundle of colorful plastic straws.

"I'll have a margarita... with a straw." - Laila, Margarita with a Straw (2014)

So, I love that people are trying to be green and save marine life. I do think it's devastating that aquatic animals are getting injured and ill from the toxicity that plastic has on their bodies, and I certainly don't want to ingest plastic every time I eat seafood. However, as much as I love Earth, animals, the sea, and Mother Nature as much as the next girl, this "Straw Ban" that America has decided is a "good solution" to the problems I mentioned is going to be a serious detriment to millions of people.

Let me explain. A lot of people with physical disabilities need to use plastic straws. And not just want to, need to. I can drink liquids without a straw, so this doesn't affect me. However, as a friend and acquaintance of several disabled people who need assistance and adaptation to drink, here's why this would be a problem. A lot of people who have physical disabilities cannot lift cups up to their mouth because they might not have the fine motor control, hand steadiness, arm strength, or hand strength to do so. Another thing is, they might drop the cup and that can be a real hazard if the cup is made of glass, which could be a potential hazard in a restaurant. Another thing is, it's very hard for people with cerebral palsy (and other physical disability) to find the speed, coordination, strength, and accuracy to accomplish more than one motor tasks at once. "But that's only one motor task!" you might say. Well, really, it's three. Yes, three. First, there is the action that you do that involves picking up the cup. This involves a complex set of skills that muscles do based on instructions from for example, your nervous system, and other parts of the body. This may seem simple for some, but for others, it can be very arduous. Next, you have to hold the cup while using your mouth and face to sip. Sipping is an easy task for most people, but sometime it's hard for people to sip while holding a cup. And then there is putting the cup back down, which can be hard to do for some people too.

As an add-on, bendy straws are better for making sure the straw is easily accessible.

As I said before, I'm all for saving the environment, but please, do it in other ways so disabled people can live as independently as possible.

I never thought I'd be ranting about straws on social media before, but hey, first time for everything.

Body Dysphoria, Physical Disabilities, and Sexual Orientation: On The Disabled Queer Intersection

My Physical Disability and Body Dysphoria

I am physically disabled. I have cerebral palsy that is visible and audible. I am aware that I look slightly different and sound slightly different than most people. Because the muscles in my legs are affected by my CP, I walk around in an unusual manner. Sometimes I walk a lot like a toddler, stumbling and falling but always getting back up again. Other times, I feel akin to a decrepit older woman, hunched over and walking dreadfully slow.

Even the way I sometimes pull my facial expressions can look different from other people. There can be such a thing as a "palsy smile" if you will and I have one. Obviously, everyone has a different smile just based on genetics, facial structure, and even personality, because we are all unique. However, there are certain physical characteristics that can be similar among individuals with cerebral palsy based on how our muscles make us move and appear.

The position in which I stand is affected. The alignment of my eyes is sometimes affected. I often have saliva on my chin because of excessive drooling. My feet can often turn blue because of spastic blood vessels.

Sometimes my voice gets too high or not as resonant as I'd like it to be because of spasticity in my vocal cords, face, and tongue.

I've always struggled with body dysphoria related to my CP. This has led to a lot of disassociation with my body. Knowing that my body is my own, but not feeling like it is and having an inherent discomfort with it. People seem to be able to conceptualize this within the contexts of being transgender or having disorders such as body dysmorphic disorder, anorexia, bulimia, or, in more extreme cases dissociative identity disorder, known colloquialy as multiple personality disorder.

Intense discomfort with one's own body is something that most people experience in one way or another. But it's usually directed at a perceived aesthetic flaw and not directed at feeling as though your body isn't your own or shouldn't be yours. This is what people with those disorders feel as well as what a lot of people with physical disabilities feel.

It doesn't help when you feel like society has erased your body. When you don't see images of women like you being reflected back at you, you start to feel yourself fade out. It's a weird feeling for sure. Painfully weird.

(Left side of picture depicts a stick figured girl standing up smiling  in a triangle dress and pigtails. Right side of page depicts a sketched out version of the handicapped symbol. "The Package" is written next to it. "put your brain inside your body" is centered at the top of the page.

Viewing my body as separate from my brain (a diagram)

Gender Expression and Sexual Orientation

I was 15 years old when I realized I was interested in other young women. And not only that, I was interested in women who had the same gender expression as I did. Meaning, not only did I like other girls, I liked girls who liked to dress, act, behave, and present in a very traditionally feminine manner like I did. There is a concept in queer identity that if you find yourself attracted to people who align with your personal gender expression, you often question whether you want to be that person, meaning you want to have the physical attributes of that person because you are envious of them, but you also have sexual attraction to that person. I've theorized that maybe I'm attracted to able-bodied women because I feel like they have been given bodies that I've wanted as my own. I've thought about this as a theory for other femmes who like femmes, too. It just seems to make sense to me.

This dilemma happened to me while I was watching This is Life with Lisa Ling on CNN recently. I was watching an episode that Lisa had done on the realities of the modeling industry. One of the aspiring fashion models she interviewed was 18 year-old Chrissy Clark, now 20. Obviously, models always look good, but even during an interview, she looked stunning and it was like I was watching a body that more or less, should've been mine, too. I always feel this way, no matter the girl. I should be able-bodied too. This is what I should look like. Not necessarily model perfect, but just having a body that society deems traditionally beautiful and worthy of sexual pleasure. That's where the, "Do I want to be her or do her?" dilemma comes in.

Black and white photograph of Chrissy Clark standing up while striking a sensual pose. She is tall, skinny, has long, straight, light brown hair, a delicate, pretty face,  and is wearing a white T-shirt and denim shorts.

Bridging the Gap

Since we live in a heteronormative, cisnormative, ableist patriarchy, people seem to assume that.

1. Everyone is straight except effeminate men and butch women. (heteronormativity)
2. Feminine women have to be attracted to masculine people in order to maintain traditional gender roles and keep men in power. (patriarchal society)
3. All disabled people are asexual (ableism)
4. If disabled people are sexual, they only are attracted to other disabled people.
5. Trans people are straight, all of them.

The assumption that all people are or should be attracted to the opposite gender and the same ability status is them is toxic for people like me who are the opposite as those two statements. It doesn't even cross people's minds and it's one of the reasons that I have failed to acknowledge or express this about myself before. It perpetuates body shaming for disabled people because it makes us feel like we don't deserve to be desired by people with bodies unlike our own. Instead of failing to acknowledge the possibility of attractions that are not traditional, keep an open mind. Furthermore, the precise reason I often do not value my body is that people apologize to me for living in the body that I've been given. You may think you're making this better by feeling bad for me, but this actually perpetuates the idea that disabled bodies need to be erased and that my body is a mistake. No one wants to feel like their body is a mistake, because it's not.

Disabled people need to feel beautiful. I think I'm getting there, but it takes time.

Sketch of a pretty young woman in a manual wheelchair on her cell phone. She is wearing a dress and high heels and is smiling.

Behind Every Punk, There is a Sweetheart

It seems that cerebral palsy in all of its idiosyncrasies, has always been (and will always be) that pestering little brother that I never had. He constantly follows me around everywhere and anywhere and just when I think I've lost sight of him, there he is again, trying to piss me off with any number of his tactics: making me fall down, grabbing my hand and making me spill something, cracking open my mouth so that I drool, making me have an accident for God knows what reason, and most of all, at the end of the day, making me tired. He makes my orthopedic system weak, uptight, high-strung, and just plain angry. He embarrasses me in front of a lot of people (especially my peers) and obstinately refuses without hesitation to end his relentless attitude towards making his presence known to everyone in the room. He plops me in a wheelchair, forcing me to put up with the ignorant attitudes of people of all ages who stare, patronize, and treat me like a two year old. He constantly talks to me and even when I try and cover up his mouth, he keeps talking... and talking... and talking... and talking. He seems to have also unfortunately acquired the ability to easily coax my nerves into sending little uncalled for electroshock impulses to my fibers. It wasn't until a neurologist appointment in February that I had found out he had went to my nerves too. As if the unnerving muscular anxiety wasn't enough, he made it so much so that he makes them shake, twist, jerk, and feel like they are going to explode. He has made me give up on my dreams of becoming a dancer.

Those are the things that make me angry. But then I have to remember that behind every punk, there is a sweetheart. There are times when people have approached me with the prospect of having us separated since he causes me so much distress. However, I wouldn't want that. That being said, I would not have had the opportunity to be immersed in such a rich and enthralling communal culture that has forever changed me. I would not have had the chance to meet some of the greatest people in my life. I would have not learned how to think craftily, critically, and on my feet. I would have not learned the art of satire as precisely as I have. I would have not aced almost every anatomy test I've ever taken. I would have not gotten treated like royalty at Disney World. I wouldn't have the liberty of handicap parking or disability benefits. He has kept me safe in some respects when I had times of unnerving impulsivity and rebellion. He has made me stronger and at times, more happy at the deepest roots of my core.